Sunday, August 21, 2011

Last Dialogue with Self

"Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon how much he has polished it. Whoever has polished it more sees more — more unseen forms become manifest to him". ~ Rumi

I have been thinking of writing on it since the topic was proposed by one of my dear colleague. The title seemed very interesting...."coming out crazy"... but I didnt know how to start working on it.....

“Should it be about how I seem to be the queen of misfits...”

“ No, scratch that, it sounds more like “Oppression Olympics” rather than the story of coming out crazy.”

“P.S. You are crazy and everyone knows that. You don't need to write a story to tell people how nuts you are”, she replied sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and ignored her comment and moved ahead with my thought processing routine anyway.

After my unsuccessful efforts at coming out of my writer's block, I asked myself again, “Is it too much to desire from oneself to fit into this misfit world, to be sane amongst insane, to be rad amongst conservatives...?” I asked again with innocence.

“Will you just drop it? Stop being poetic and shit.

“Yup”, came the voice from within, “ unless you want to end in some mental asylum amongst people who have REAL issues, I think you should stop fussing over it.”

“But my issues are REAL issues,” I tried to argue worriedly, “they are the issues that so many people face everyday and they go ignored continuously.”

“I think you didn't listen to what our therapist said,” the voice in my head said very angrily, “you need to broaden your scope. You should stop focusing on it as a primary issue. Things happen and thats pretty much about it. Learn to deal with it. Don't let it take over your life."

"But that is my life! It is what I live and breathe everyday. Why are you asking me to live in denial?" she asked surprisingly.

“Popping pills prescribed by some doctor is not going to make you better. People are not going to stop being passive, just coz you have been yelling at the top of your lungs. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP FROM THIS FANTASY OF YOURS!”

Tears ran down her cheeks and she didn't know how to react or what to say. She knew that she was fighting a lost battle and after fighting it for so long, she had become tired beyond reason. So, she decided to let everything go, she wrote her last farewell note wishing her loved ones all the love and happiness in life and note for herself. That night she divorced her conscious from her-self and walked out the door never to be seen again, leaving this message behind:

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do." - Rumi

Disclaimer: The content of this small monologue is taken from real time conversation amongst different people and put together as a work of fiction. Names and identities of folks have been changed for privacy reasons. The opinion presented in this story are not intended to promote any school of thought.

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