You need to understand, we come from a culture where women are not appreciated, I was not appreciated. I have seen my mother shedding tears in silence that none of her sisters ever saw or thought that she was worth looking into. I remember the rage I felt when I was told how my dad disgraced her and she just went through everything because she had 4 daughters and zero support network and how she was told to suck it up!
I was 12 when I came to know that.. I remember having a huge argument with my father and for defying him being beaten up to the extent that I couldnt move from my bed for 2 days.
I remember my mom looking at me from her tearful green eyes and commanding me very sternly and very strongly, "yeh mera aur tumharay abbu ka masla hai tum beech main nai bolo gi" [This is between you and my father and you won't say a single word]
I remember crying my heart out during lunch breaks and not be able to tell my friends of what happened cos they would always tell me that
"this is normal,
"I dont know why you even care for such thing.."
and the list goes on. The reason I write about it cos this is what made me and this is who I am. I was the eldest of her kids and I couldnt protect anyone. All that violence and abuse is etched on my soul and I vividly remember every detail as it was just yesterday and even though today I am quarter of a century, I cannot help myself but feel how much I failed in protecting people around me cos thats who I am. I protect my people, I protect my person, I protect my friends.
The reason I am never an apologist for violence because at the end of the day this is what exactly Pakistani Muslim men do, they emotionally, psychologically, financially and sometimes physically abuse women in their homes and in their lives. This is a larger part of what we live and what we see, this is the true and ugly face of South Asian society.. and then everyone screams racism and "islamophobia" but no one will stand up and shame the abuser in Muslim community... why.. because its something that a women is suppose to do. She is suppose to plaster a fake smile on her face and suck it up because it is what it is and there is no way around it.